shrink_kikki

shrink_kikki @ 2006-02-01T19:43:00

2006-02-01T18:58:22Z

Today I consumed:
- fruit
- water
- juice

- 1/2 a bag of crisps
and
- popcorn

and I dont care! Today was going to be a day like any other until abt 16:00 in the afternoon. The "talk" I was going to have with my friend came out with a twist and not just her but my problem came to surface. She found out about my Livejournal by hacking in to my email account. God bless her. Sometimes friends cross boundaries but theres always a reason. She was trying to help me and by helping me a part of her got caught up aswell. She made a livejournal and commented on my posts and I of course fell for it. Unfortuneatley she got mislead by the flashing colours of eating disorders communities tend to send out. Its partially my fault and for her sake but also mine I'm going to quit this bullshit. I'm sitting here typing this with a full stomach from dinner. Its hard not to think abt it but me and her are so much stronger than we think.

I'm lucky and I think it is part of the solution: a best friend (two in fact). Maybe thats the missing link that those of you need for recovery, whether you want it or not. As cheesy as it may sound it is 100% truthfull.

I will not be using Livejournal any longer, if you feel the need to talk about getting help or reaching out to a friend you can email me at de2zussen@hotmail.com.

I'm x-posting this too all the communities I've joined, feel free to delete I understand, just know that this is not a pink and fluffy Hilary Duff speech but complete honesty coming from a girl who knows,
Good Luck Everyone and look forward to a brighter future
I bid you all goodbye and hopefully till never again,

To Aydine and Laura: thank you so much, you are more than friends, more than sisters and more like angels. I love you!

xoxoxo
Maggy

shrink_kikki @ 2006-02-01T08:51:00

2006-02-01T07:55:58Z

Too bad my Mum's is coming with me to the gym so I cant weigh myself,
I really badly want to because I'm doing so well
hmm.. did have a bit too much weet-a-bix for brekkie but thats not TOO bad

okay my longterm plan is:
* stick with veggie diet until Monday 6/02
* 3 small healthy meals a day until Monday 13/02
* Special K diet until Monday 27/02
* Buy a new set of diet pills
* 3 very samll healthy meals a day for another week

Current Weight: 122lbs

Hopefully End Weight: anywhere but in the 120's (115 would be amaaaazing)

xoxoxoxo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-30T19:31:00

2006-01-30T18:34:33Z

came back from the boarding house and at least the "scary" people werent there but still a few bitchy girls so when I came back I binged slightly coz I felt sorry for my self :(

but today is 1st day of diet and so far so good... Gonna go to the gym to burn off dinner! yipee feel so good

xoxoxox

Breathe

2006-01-29T13:36:47Z

ugh my friend moved into the boarding house, I lived there a year ago for 6 months
for me it was horrible, some people there were so mean its the place where all this ED started

my friend asked if i would help her unpack, i know she must be feeling sad right now and missing her parents so I said yes of course

but now I'm ready to leave but im soo freaking scared, scared of seeing those ppl from the boardinghouse being laughed at
i do know at least 1/2 of them have left
oh god they're only ppl and sticks and stones might hurt by bones but words can never hurt me (which is so not true actually)

just gotta *breathe*, go and get it over with! I mean what the hell when I'm rich gourgeous and successfull all those ppl that were mean to me will feel like shit.. now thats a happy thought!

xoxoxoxo

Goodluck To Me

2006-01-28T21:53:49Z

So today went bad bad bad but weighed myself at the gym and I'm a jaw-dropping 55.7kg
only .7 kg from my short-term goal weight :)

friday is the fashion show at school and I want to look my absolute best(thinnest)
im not gonna fast for 6 days because I'll only end up binging and gaining weight
heres my diet thats gona start on Monday, I can't wait!
Monday:
B
- one weet-a-bix
- green tea
P1
- 2 mandarin's
P2
- 2 apple's
- 4 carrots
H
- tomato, vegetable juice
- 1 apple
D
- small helping of non- v/f
- large helping of v/f

Tuesday:
B
- one weet-a-bix
- green tea
P1
- 3 mandarins
P2
- 1 apple
- 1/2 cucumber
- 1 mandarin
P3
- 1/2 cucumber
- 2 mandarins
D
- small helping of non- v/f
- large helping of v/f

Wednesday:
B
- 1/2 weet-a-bix
- green tea
P1
- large handful of grapes
- 1 apple
P2
- large handful of grapes
P3
- 3 mandarins
- 1 banana
D
- small helping of non- v/f
- large helping of v/f

Thursday:
B
- 1/2 weet-a-bix
- green tea
P1
- 4 carrots
P2
- a green paprika
H
- 1 apple
D
- 1 banana

Friday:
B:
- 1 weet-a-bix
- 1 sandwhich PB
- green tea
P1
- whole cucumber
P2
- tub maize and/or grapes
P3
- 1 apple
- 1 banana
FS
- 3 mandarins
D
- small helping of non- v/f
- large helping of v/f

* v - vegetables
f - fruit

ill keep posting my weightloss, I plan to go to the gym everyday but I'm quite sure that I wont manage all days (time wise)...

xoxoxo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-26T17:10:00

2006-01-26T16:30:02Z

Well Saturday I'm going to confront my friend about her eating habits...

my eating habits are going really well apart from today
I had a major binge on doritos cool ranch AND cheese flavour and I also ate all this other crap:(
in total probs a good 1000cals.. i dont want to throw up and i wont

its so hard trying to help my friend when I'm probably twice as bad but I cant tell her because she might see it as a competition or something :(

ohwell tomorrow back to 3 small meals a day until Monday
Monday is my super fuit and veg only diet for the fashionshow on Friday...

xoxoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-23T08:55:00

2006-01-23T07:59:07Z

Came back from my schooltrip, a lot has happened...

I found out my friend is most definitley Bulimic or "trying to be" Anorexic and its all my fault

I told her abt my Bulimic experience from ages ago
I keep talking abt how skinny ppl look
I made her join me on our "healthy fruit only" weekend
I constantly told her food facts and weightloss techniques

I dragged her in with me

Im such a shithead

xoxoxo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-16T00:00:00

2006-01-15T23:03:45Z

Today went horrible dont get me started

BUT

tomorrow Im going on a 35hr fast
Start: 15/1 20:00 pm
End: 17/1 07:00 am

Consists of:
- coffee
- water
- diet-coke
- green tea
- gum

its gonna work it has to !

I have no exams tomorrow so its study day! which will keep me busy, arnd lunch time ill go to the gym so I won't see my family eating all that yummy bread and during dinner I said I'm going to a friends house to study and eat there (which is semi-true) ..

wish me luck

xoxoxoxo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-14T21:47:00

2006-01-14T20:53:00Z

Today went almost completely as planned :)
I had:

- frosties
- greentea (x3)
- a mandarin
- Cupasoup 4 cals
- lots of H2O

THEN at work I needed to consume somethings coz I didnt want to scare the poor customers by blacking-out the whole time so I wanted to get a diet-pepsi but the machine gave me a regular one, I was soo pissy and making a fuss but then the co-workers were like why is that soo bad?? blabla so I just drank it well 3/4 of it, planned to drink 1/2 but suck in estimating!!! :D

for dinner I had
- abt 2 fistfulls of Nasi (rice with tofu and veggies)
- and a lot (waay too much) of hot-peanut sauce :(
- green tea

cant wait until next weekend when I come back from London trip i'm starting my long term diet plan!!

xoxoxo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-13T22:04:00

2006-01-13T21:07:42Z

Today diet-wise went A-OK, only one minor slip up with the PB but that was it!
I had:

- weet-a-bix
- mandarin
- 2 apples
- a SpK bar
- 3 (large) table spoons of peanut butter
- 1 cup-a-soup 4 cals
- lots and lots of tea, water, coffee and the like

- 1/2 a bowl of soup, with 1/2 a piece of cheese
- 2 whole-grain pancakes

- I burned more than 300 cals in the gym and did abt 15(back and forth)laps in the pool

et voila!

tomorrow is day 3 of diet plan, its quite hard but I'm working from 9-18 and I never feel hungry during work which is soo great, and seeing all my co-workes eat all that crap makes me more motivated not to eat!

xoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-13T18:13:00

2006-01-13T17:13:47Z

yaah love this thing :)

oeeh and another one for my long term:

Diet Day 1

2006-01-12T19:13:52Z

the first day of my diet has gone soo well exams and the other hand are bogus :(

well day 1 was a very easy day, then again during exams ppl always walk arnd with choco bars and cookies and I didnt eat any junk food!

Morning:
- weet-a-bix
- plain brown sandwich
- 2 coffee's and a green tea

- a speciak K bar and an apple before exams
- in between exams a whole grain sandwhich with light PB spread
- a mandarin
- lots of water

Afternoon:
- special K bar
- apple
- cupasoup 4 cals

Evening Dinner:
- 2 low carb microwive fajitas (I filled them with tofu, ketchup, 2 pieces of cheese and 3 paprika's)

Now im gonna go for a swim do abt (30 laps)

START WEIGHT: 57.6 kg

xoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-12T09:21:00

2006-01-12T08:23:27Z

alritey exams just suck

yesterday they went sooo bad:(

starting my new diet plan for 5 days! Hope it works, if it does I'll post the details but I cant be bothered to post what mite become veeeeeery unsuccesfull!

xoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-10T19:14:00

2006-01-10T18:16:56Z

well today didnt go too well, I had planned to go to the gym but cudnt because I needed the time to study
but tomorrow night I'll, id rather fail bio then be fat..

things I should not have eaten today:
- that tiny mini choco-chip cookie my friends nanny offered me
- those 2 digestive biscuits
- those 3 teaspoons of peanut butter

god PB is my weakness :(

xoxoxox

woohoo

2006-01-09T21:23:17Z

went to the gym,
I wanted to burn 500 cals but after 300 my head was about to explode so I had to stop, I did do 12 laps in the pool..
but anyway to the point
I weighed myself, expecting an increase but instead I acutally lost weight.. crazy
so now:

CW: 56.1 kg (123.68 lbs)

1.1 kg to go until StGW :D!! woohoo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-09T16:57:00

2006-01-09T16:01:24Z

Well I wont be able to post later on tonite so this is my daily evaluation:

The day went perfect! until I came home and ate abt 500 cals worth of Doritos, I cant effing belive it :S

Well I'll go to the gym and burn of those 500 and do some laps swimming, I have to I cant let those damn doritos float in my already humungous stomach :(

My exams went quite well today I'm def. passing History and Dutch which is good news!!!
Saw everyone and my ED infested mind really changed the way I look at people, chubby girls I see as fat lazy asses and when I see ppl eating junk-food I look at them in disgust (not that I'm any better with my binges). And saw my bf as well, god his hair looked so bad it makes me want to end it!
Jeez I'm so superficial
oh well TOUGH

xoxoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-08T19:28:00

2006-01-08T18:33:07Z

Well the day isnt completely over but I have to get back to studying!

foodwise I did okayish so thats a plus

Bad things I did today:
- eat that PB sandwich
- eat that 3rd piece of bread
- eat a cookie after dinner (in my mind it still counted as dinner for sum reason :S)

Good things I did today:
- returned that god ugly sweater
- swam
- studied moderately well :D

hmm.. 3/3 thats ok :)

well tomorrow exams :S History and Dutch, Ill probably post my predicted grades on here aswell and then see wat I get haha yaah i know its sad but its not like anyone reads this!

xoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-08T13:19:00

2006-01-08T12:23:56Z

Yay, just came back from a 30 min swim session and I lost weight since yesterday!
its probably just water weight but who cares!

CW: 56.6 (124.78lbs)
BMI: 18.3

just 1.6 kg to go and Im at my short term goal weight

woohoo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-07T22:19:00

2006-01-07T21:30:35Z

me in the summer, look what I'm eating PB and sugar as always!

me a few days a go (I am at my highest weight!) in like 2 weeks I'll post some more facial ones I think

xoxoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-07T21:32:00

2006-01-07T20:38:55Z

Total Consumed Today:
- weet-a-bix (190 cals)
- bottle of water (0 cals)

- 2 rice cakes (60 cals)
- abt 30 grams of peanut butter (190 cals) ieesh not doing that again
- herbal tea (0 cals)
- glass of water (0 cals)

- Special K bar (84 cals)
- Green tea (0 cals)

*We went to a Vegan restaurant *

- Tomato Soup with Mostard
- Pieces of Bread with Olives
- Green tea

I have no id how many calories that must be :S

Good things I did today:
- went to the Gym
- Swam
- Used the Jump rope

Bad things I did today:
- not study a lot
- not start my designs for the fashion show
- not learn my lines for the school play
- ate too much Peanut Butter

iesh the "bad list" is longer oh well tomorrow is a nother day

ooh I calculated that in 1 month I should have lost abt 3kgs (7lbs)!! remember that...

xoxoxo

I Heart Exercise

2006-01-07T12:23:16Z

Just came back from the gym and like always I loved it!!
Burned 400 cals on the machines, swam 12 laps and walked to the gym and back home :)

So far today I have consumed:
- weet-a-bix (190 cals)
- bottle of water (0 cals)

- 2 rice cakes (60 cals)
- abt 30 grams of peanut butter (190 cals) ieesh not doing that again
- herbal tea (0 cals)
- glass of water (o cals)

I'm gonna have a shower soon, use the jump rope and so crunches :D

I also weighed my self at the gym and its not much but I have lost some weight so I have new stats yipeee!

CW: 125 (57 kg)
HW: 127 (58 kg)
Lw: 99 (45 kg)
StGW: 121 (55 kg)
LtGW: 110 (50 kg)

Height: 5'8 (175 cm)
BMI: 18.6

yaay making progress!!

xoxoxo

Failure

2006-01-06T20:52:06Z

Today I failed miserably didnt do anything I was supposed to do and ate too much of the wrong things

what I wasnt supposed to do:
- lick all the flavouring off all the pringles :(
- eat 3 tablespoons of peanutbutter :(
- read pointless magazines and not do my maths revision

blegh tomorrow I hope I'll have a happy post

Tomorrow I'll also post some pictures for progress
Warning: It won't be pretty

xoxoxo

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-06T11:17:00

2006-01-06T10:26:04Z

hmmf My mum promised to go to the gym with me today and now she doesnt want to :S wats up with that??

well tomorrow I'll go with or without her!
debating whether or not I should stick to my 4 small meals a day beacuse I won't be able to burn any cals

...

Oh no my mum just shouted upstairs she bought my favourite pie ever!! AppleCrumble so I guess I'll count a piece as one of my meals a day
there's 284 cals in 100grams of it so if I take 25 grams then thats only 71 cals which is do-able

so plan for today:
- weet-a-bix breakfast (190 cals) 1
- Pie (71 cals) 2
- Cup-A-Soup (4 cals) 3
- Special K Bar (84 cals) 3

and a palm sized portion of whats for dinner...

I;ll post later today my total C. intake

xoxox

Better!

2006-01-05T12:09:34Z

Today I feel fresh and new!
I went to the gym today and burnt 300 cals which is pretty good for the first time and I followed an Abs workout workshop for 20 mins :)

so far I've eaten:
a weet-a-bix breakfast (190 cals)
10 Almonds
1 Sandwhich with peanut butter
and lots of water

The rest of the day Im going to have:
1 special K bar (84 cals)
Cup-A-Soup (25 cals)

and a teeny tiny portion of whatever is for dinner

this might seem like a lot of food but lately starving has only lead to b/p-ing which im sick of

I hope this works!

xoxox

shrink_kikki @ 2006-01-04T20:12:00

2006-01-04T19:15:32Z

I screwed up big time today

it started by this machine taking over my mind and I walked to the kitchen as if programmed, and I ate 3 digestive and chocolate cookies (84 kcals each!)
then I decided to flush it down with cup-a-soup (only 25 cals which is good)

then I puked, but only half the soup came out which was soo sticky that I had to stop

so all that crap is still in there
and to soothe the pain in my throat I hate 2 sandwiches and abt 10 pringles

whats wrong with me????

to top it off I had a regular sized dinner :S and a yoghurt thing (sweetened)

blimey I suck

xoxox