| Wednesday, February 1st, 2006 |
| 7:43 pm |
Today I consumed: - fruit - water - juice - 1/2 a bag of crisps and - popcorn and I dont care! Today was going to be a day like any other until abt 16:00 in the afternoon. The "talk" I was going to have with my friend came out with a twist and not just her but my problem came to surface. She found out about my Livejournal by hacking in to my email account. God bless her. Sometimes friends cross boundaries but theres always a reason. She was trying to help me and by helping me a part of her got caught up aswell. She made a livejournal and commented on my posts and I of course fell for it. Unfortuneatley she got mislead by the flashing colours of eating disorders communities tend to send out. Its partially my fault and for her sake but also mine I'm going to quit this bullshit. I'm sitting here typing this with a full stomach from dinner. Its hard not to think abt it but me and her are so much stronger than we think. I'm lucky and I think it is part of the solution: a best friend (two in fact). Maybe thats the missing link that those of you need for recovery, whether you want it or not. As cheesy as it may sound it is 100% truthfull. I will not be using Livejournal any longer, if you feel the need to talk about getting help or reaching out to a friend you can email me at de2zussen@hotmail.com. I'm x-posting this too all the communities I've joined, feel free to delete I understand, just know that this is not a pink and fluffy Hilary Duff speech but complete honesty coming from a girl who knows, Good Luck Everyone and look forward to a brighter future I bid you all goodbye and hopefully till never again, To Aydine and Laura: thank you so much, you are more than friends, more than sisters and more like angels. I love you! xoxoxo Maggy Current Mood:  accomplished |
| 8:51 am |
Too bad my Mum's is coming with me to the gym so I cant weigh myself, I really badly want to because I'm doing so well hmm.. did have a bit too much weet-a-bix for brekkie but thats not TOO bad okay my longterm plan is: * stick with veggie diet until Monday 6/02 * 3 small healthy meals a day until Monday 13/02 * Special K diet until Monday 27/02 * Buy a new set of diet pills * 3 very samll healthy meals a day for another week Current Weight: 122lbs Hopefully End Weight: anywhere but in the 120's (115 would be amaaaazing) xoxoxoxo Current Mood:  hopeful |
| Monday, January 30th, 2006 |
| 7:31 pm |
came back from the boarding house and at least the "scary" people werent there but still a few bitchy girls so when I came back I binged slightly coz I felt sorry for my self :( but today is 1st day of diet and so far so good... Gonna go to the gym to burn off dinner! yipee feel so good xoxoxox Current Mood:  cheerfulCurrent Music: Tv : Next |
| Sunday, January 29th, 2006 |
| 2:31 pm |
Breathe
ugh my friend moved into the boarding house, I lived there a year ago for 6 months for me it was horrible, some people there were so mean its the place where all this ED started my friend asked if i would help her unpack, i know she must be feeling sad right now and missing her parents so I said yes of course but now I'm ready to leave but im soo freaking scared, scared of seeing those ppl from the boardinghouse being laughed at i do know at least 1/2 of them have left oh god they're only ppl and sticks and stones might hurt by bones but words can never hurt me (which is so not true actually) just gotta *breathe*, go and get it over with! I mean what the hell when I'm rich gourgeous and successfull all those ppl that were mean to me will feel like shit.. now thats a happy thought! xoxoxoxo Current Mood:  scared |
| Saturday, January 28th, 2006 |
| 10:49 pm |
Goodluck To Me
So today went bad bad bad but weighed myself at the gym and I'm a jaw-dropping 55.7kg only .7 kg from my short-term goal weight :) friday is the fashion show at school and I want to look my absolute best(thinnest) im not gonna fast for 6 days because I'll only end up binging and gaining weight heres my diet thats gona start on Monday, I can't wait! Monday: B - one weet-a-bix - green tea P1 - 2 mandarin's P2 - 2 apple's - 4 carrots H - tomato, vegetable juice - 1 apple D - small helping of non- v/f - large helping of v/f Tuesday: B - one weet-a-bix - green tea P1 - 3 mandarins P2 - 1 apple - 1/2 cucumber - 1 mandarin P3 - 1/2 cucumber - 2 mandarins D - small helping of non- v/f - large helping of v/f Wednesday: B - 1/2 weet-a-bix - green tea P1 - large handful of grapes - 1 apple P2 - large handful of grapes P3 - 3 mandarins - 1 banana D - small helping of non- v/f - large helping of v/f Thursday: B - 1/2 weet-a-bix - green tea P1 - 4 carrots P2 - a green paprika H - 1 apple D - 1 banana Friday: B: - 1 weet-a-bix - 1 sandwhich PB - green tea P1 - whole cucumber P2 - tub maize and/or grapes P3 - 1 apple - 1 banana FS - 3 mandarins D - small helping of non- v/f - large helping of v/f * v - vegetables f - fruit ill keep posting my weightloss, I plan to go to the gym everyday but I'm quite sure that I wont manage all days (time wise)... xoxoxo Current Mood: amusedCurrent Music: Buena Vista Social Club |
| Thursday, January 26th, 2006 |
| 5:10 pm |
Well Saturday I'm going to confront my friend about her eating habits... my eating habits are going really well apart from today I had a major binge on doritos cool ranch AND cheese flavour and I also ate all this other crap:( in total probs a good 1000cals.. i dont want to throw up and i wont its so hard trying to help my friend when I'm probably twice as bad but I cant tell her because she might see it as a competition or something :( ohwell tomorrow back to 3 small meals a day until Monday Monday is my super fuit and veg only diet for the fashionshow on Friday... xoxoxox Current Mood:  crappy |
| Monday, January 23rd, 2006 |
| 8:55 am |
Came back from my schooltrip, a lot has happened... I found out my friend is most definitley Bulimic or "trying to be" Anorexic and its all my fault I told her abt my Bulimic experience from ages ago I keep talking abt how skinny ppl look I made her join me on our "healthy fruit only" weekend I constantly told her food facts and weightloss techniques I dragged her in with me Im such a shithead xoxoxo Current Mood:  depressed |
| Monday, January 16th, 2006 |
| 12:00 am |
Today went horrible dont get me started BUT tomorrow Im going on a 35hr fast Start: 15/1 20:00 pm End: 17/1 07:00 am Consists of: - coffee - water - diet-coke - green tea - gum its gonna work it has to ! I have no exams tomorrow so its study day! which will keep me busy, arnd lunch time ill go to the gym so I won't see my family eating all that yummy bread and during dinner I said I'm going to a friends house to study and eat there (which is semi-true) .. wish me luck xoxoxoxo Current Mood: hopeful |
| Saturday, January 14th, 2006 |
| 9:47 pm |
Today went almost completely as planned :) I had: - frosties - greentea (x3) - a mandarin - Cupasoup 4 cals - lots of H2O THEN at work I needed to consume somethings coz I didnt want to scare the poor customers by blacking-out the whole time so I wanted to get a diet-pepsi but the machine gave me a regular one, I was soo pissy and making a fuss but then the co-workers were like why is that soo bad?? blabla so I just drank it well 3/4 of it, planned to drink 1/2 but suck in estimating!!! :D for dinner I had - abt 2 fistfulls of Nasi (rice with tofu and veggies) - and a lot (waay too much) of hot-peanut sauce :( - green tea cant wait until next weekend when I come back from London trip i'm starting my long term diet plan!! xoxoxo Current Mood:  mellowCurrent Music: Watching "Double Jeopardy" |
| Friday, January 13th, 2006 |
| 10:04 pm |
Today diet-wise went A-OK, only one minor slip up with the PB but that was it! I had: - weet-a-bix - mandarin - 2 apples - a SpK bar - 3 (large) table spoons of peanut butter - 1 cup-a-soup 4 cals - lots and lots of tea, water, coffee and the like - 1/2 a bowl of soup, with 1/2 a piece of cheese - 2 whole-grain pancakes - I burned more than 300 cals in the gym and did abt 15(back and forth)laps in the pool et voila! tomorrow is day 3 of diet plan, its quite hard but I'm working from 9-18 and I never feel hungry during work which is soo great, and seeing all my co-workes eat all that crap makes me more motivated not to eat! xoxox Current Mood: optimisticCurrent Music: James Blunt - No Bravery |
| 6:13 pm |
 yaah love this thing :) oeeh and another one for my long term:
 Current Mood: amusedCurrent Music: Mushaboom - Feist |
| Thursday, January 12th, 2006 |
| 8:08 pm |
Diet Day 1
the first day of my diet has gone soo well exams and the other hand are bogus :( well day 1 was a very easy day, then again during exams ppl always walk arnd with choco bars and cookies and I didnt eat any junk food! Morning: - weet-a-bix - plain brown sandwich - 2 coffee's and a green tea - a speciak K bar and an apple before exams - in between exams a whole grain sandwhich with light PB spread - a mandarin - lots of water Afternoon: - special K bar - apple - cupasoup 4 cals Evening Dinner: - 2 low carb microwive fajitas (I filled them with tofu, ketchup, 2 pieces of cheese and 3 paprika's) Now im gonna go for a swim do abt (30 laps) START WEIGHT: 57.6 kg xoxox Current Mood:  okayCurrent Music: Missy Elliot ft Christina A - Carwash (radio lol) |
| 9:21 am |
alritey exams just suck yesterday they went sooo bad:( starting my new diet plan for 5 days! Hope it works, if it does I'll post the details but I cant be bothered to post what mite become veeeeeery unsuccesfull! xoxox Current Mood:  awakeCurrent Music: Anika Moa - Falling In Love Again |
| Tuesday, January 10th, 2006 |
| 7:14 pm |
well today didnt go too well, I had planned to go to the gym but cudnt because I needed the time to study but tomorrow night I'll, id rather fail bio then be fat.. things I should not have eaten today: - that tiny mini choco-chip cookie my friends nanny offered me - those 2 digestive biscuits - those 3 teaspoons of peanut butter god PB is my weakness :( xoxoxox Current Mood:  restlessCurrent Music: Bloc Party - Modern Love |
| Monday, January 9th, 2006 |
| 10:18 pm |
woohoo
went to the gym, I wanted to burn 500 cals but after 300 my head was about to explode so I had to stop, I did do 12 laps in the pool.. but anyway to the point I weighed myself, expecting an increase but instead I acutally lost weight.. crazy so now: CW: 56.1 kg (123.68 lbs) 1.1 kg to go until StGW :D!! woohoo |
| 4:57 pm |
Well I wont be able to post later on tonite so this is my daily evaluation: The day went perfect! until I came home and ate abt 500 cals worth of Doritos, I cant effing belive it :S Well I'll go to the gym and burn of those 500 and do some laps swimming, I have to I cant let those damn doritos float in my already humungous stomach :( My exams went quite well today I'm def. passing History and Dutch which is good news!!! Saw everyone and my ED infested mind really changed the way I look at people, chubby girls I see as fat lazy asses and when I see ppl eating junk-food I look at them in disgust (not that I'm any better with my binges). And saw my bf as well, god his hair looked so bad it makes me want to end it! Jeez I'm so superficial oh well TOUGH xoxoxox Current Mood:  bitchyCurrent Music: Jet - Move On |
| Sunday, January 8th, 2006 |
| 7:28 pm |
Well the day isnt completely over but I have to get back to studying! foodwise I did okayish so thats a plus Bad things I did today: - eat that PB sandwich - eat that 3rd piece of bread - eat a cookie after dinner (in my mind it still counted as dinner for sum reason :S) Good things I did today: - returned that god ugly sweater - swam - studied moderately well :D hmm.. 3/3 thats ok :) well tomorrow exams :S History and Dutch, Ill probably post my predicted grades on here aswell and then see wat I get haha yaah i know its sad but its not like anyone reads this! xoxox Current Mood:  groggyCurrent Music: Fiona Apple - Paperbag |
| 1:19 pm |
Yay, just came back from a 30 min swim session and I lost weight since yesterday! its probably just water weight but who cares! CW: 56.6 (124.78lbs) BMI: 18.3 just 1.6 kg to go and Im at my short term goal weight woohoo Current Mood:  crazyCurrent Music: Garbage - Why Do You Love Me? |
| Saturday, January 7th, 2006 |
| 10:19 pm |
 me in the summer, look what I'm eating PB and sugar as always!
 me a few days a go (I am at my highest weight!) in like 2 weeks I'll post some more facial ones I think
xoxoxox
Current Mood: awake |
| 9:32 pm |
Total Consumed Today: - weet-a-bix (190 cals) - bottle of water (0 cals) - 2 rice cakes (60 cals) - abt 30 grams of peanut butter (190 cals) ieesh not doing that again - herbal tea (0 cals) - glass of water (0 cals) - Special K bar (84 cals) - Green tea (0 cals) *We went to a Vegan restaurant * - Tomato Soup with Mostard - Pieces of Bread with Olives - Green tea I have no id how many calories that must be :S Good things I did today: - went to the Gym - Swam - Used the Jump rope Bad things I did today: - not study a lot - not start my designs for the fashion show - not learn my lines for the school play - ate too much Peanut Butter iesh the "bad list" is longer oh well tomorrow is a nother day ooh I calculated that in 1 month I should have lost abt 3kgs (7lbs)!! remember that... xoxoxo Current Mood: relaxedCurrent Music: Liz Phair - Why Can't I? |
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